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What Is Unconditional Love?

To the individual self, unconditional love usually means that we will be loved no matter what. We’ll be loved even when we’re sick and poor. We’ll be loved even as we become old and useless. It may even be thought of as being loved when we treat others with unkindness. It means to be loved without conditions.

But then the problem is that love is so poorly defined. What is love? (Baby, don’t hurt me.) As far as I can tell, most people seem to think of love as a kind of positive regard. In its most tangible form, love becomes a verb: to love is to show it. For example, I might spontaneously cuddle my wife.

My wife likes being cuddled, so she takes my cuddles to signify that I love her, whatever that means. The cuddling probably causes a release of oxytocin that feels good. In reality, I like cuddling her, and I like that she likes being cuddled. Ultimately all action is essentially driven by conditioned preferences, so there’s not really any space left for either love or unconditional love.

Or is there? There is something that is unconditional love, but it’s not what you might think. If you are anything, then you are everything, and there’s an impersonal quality to everything that could be seen as unconditionally loving.

Notice everything that seems to be happening for you right now; the sights, the sounds, the thoughts, the feelings, and these words. As you let the concepts drop and notice that you already are all of that, what you may also discover is that all of it is the same thing. There is a seamlessness to it and there is no location associated with it.

This wholeness is always with us. It’s actually all there is. But the wholeness is overlooked continually because it’s so obvious. It’s too simple for the mind to grasp. We’re always thinking there must be something else. Yet, since it’s obviously always with us, this seamless, boundless, wholeness is the reference point we use to judge every experience.

In this wholeness, there is nothing lacking, nothing missing. It contains everything that both does and does not exist. All polarities and all possibilities are contained in this wholeness, co-existing all at once. From the perspective of separation, from this imagined location of “me,” that’s the ultimate reference for unconditional love. It’s clear that it accepts and allows everything because it is everything.

Because we already are unconditional love, in our dream of separation we go about seeking unconditional love in the imaginary and conceptual: the future, the past, things, relationships, experiences, and meaning.

But what is actually happening is not really unconditional love. It’s not accepting of anything because it never rejected anything. How could it; it is everything; it is indivisible. The individual is simply the concept of separation, seeking to be accepted back into wholeness. The individual seeks an unconditionally loving action to be redeemed of original sin, the forgetting of wholeness. In fact, the individual already is the wholeness (appearing as separation) that already is here and always has been.

As the concepts drop, what is happening is revealed effortlessly to be the natural wholeness that we seek, the acceptance of the self that is idealized as unconditional love.

Written by

An engineer-psychologist focused on machine intelligence. I write from my own experience to support others in living more fulfilling lives |

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