We talk about people with “big egos” as if big egos are really big. What we forget is that big egos are actually very small. Someone with a big ego thinks that they’re very important and special, and that the world owes them something. They behave in an entitled way, and they treat other people disrespectfully.
The big ego thinks that it needs to struggle and fight to obtain and acquire what it needs. It brags about its possessions and accomplishments and it hoards its accolades and accoutrements. It’s small and restricted. It’s painful and ugly. It says, “my precious” so vehemently that it reveals its sense of worthlessness.
Having a big ego is a terrible state to be in. Even though it might try to hoodwink us into jealousy, when seen in the light of day, it’s clearly a significant and grotesque psychological disfigurement. When we understand what it really is, we must struggle not to pity it.
A big ego is selfish in that it tries to hoard resources and praise, to try to increase its size with things and reputation, whilst shrinking into an ever smaller ball of self-loathing. “Mine” it says, and grasps from the hands of others that which the world would willingly give to it freely.
The problem is not selfishness itself, which is a natural and important drive, but the repurposing of selfishness in service of the…
