Once you know about this pattern of human behavior, once you’re able to recognize it, and once you’re able to avoid or resolve it, your life will become much more pleasant.
Pretty much exclusively, when there is interpersonal drama, it will manifest with three roles: a victim, a perpetrator, and a savior. When one person gets triggered, they will usually step into one of these roles and try to pull others into the other roles.
The cycle usually begins when one person believes that they are disempowered and they will often initially take a victim role. That person regresses to a very young age and starts to accuse another of attacking them. In doing this, they become the perpetrator of the perpetrator, who usually becomes defensive and regresses, and takes the role of victim. At this point, another person usually steps in to defend whoever is currently playing the victim role; this is the savior.
Soon the savior is framed as an attacker and the one that was being positioned as the previous perpetrator becomes the new victim. This pattern tends to repeat and re-energize itself indefinitely, with each of the three people taking the role of victim, perpetrator, and savior repeatedly.
The hardest aspect of breaking this pattern is noticing that it is happening. Once it is recognized, it’s possible to do something about it. This pattern is very challenging to resolve from within. One or more of the people involved in it are usually determined that it will persist, even if only unconsciously. All of the roles flow from a sense of disempowerment and a sense of disempowerment is usually deeply ingrained in personal identity. The easiest solution is to choose not to take part. If you can remove yourself, then do so.
If you cannot physically, emotionally, or psychologically remove yourself, then you are responsible for raising the awareness of the whole system. Whichever of the three positions you seem to be getting placed into, you take that position and you ride it for the good of the group. You take charge in that role and bring empowerment to the group. You lead. Here is what the empowered positions look like:
