The last few mornings, I’ve been waking up feeling kind of depressed. At least, the sensations inside my body are ones that I would normally associate with “depression.” These last few mornings have been different though. Instead of ignoring how my body feels, or blindly following ratholes of thought about how terrible life is, or could be, I found myself curiously paying attention to the feelings and thoughts.
“What is this?” I have been asking, not expecting a verbal or logical answer, and not even asking verbally. This is a process of just noticing what is happening and assuming that it’s how it’s supposed to be. Non-verbally, there might be a sensation in my head that I would usually label as a headache and drop into the bucket of “no thank you.” Now, there is just this interesting sensation.
What I’ve been discovering is a new level of contentment and ease, even in the middle of “depression.” Instead of resisting what is happening and thereby giving it power and incentive to shout louder, I am stopping everything else that I’m doing—which is mostly thinking about stuff that’s not actually happening—and turning my attention to it. Ah, there you are my children. If I am anything, I am these children of mine. This “everything is my child” perspective, is one that I have picked up from Jeff Foster.
