Shooting up heroin feels good in a small, short-lived, unsustainable way. (I was once given morphine.) Knowing myself fully feels good in a deep, lasting, sustainable way.

I also have a deep love for something that I call the ultimate nature of reality, and my deepest desire appears to be to express that and know that as fully as possible. I realize that I have to do that from inside this body. However, what I mean by this may not be understood by some readers, and it probably deserves a much longer explanation, which I may never give.

I guess I’m trying to live the answer to the question.