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Relationships Work When You Don’t Take Them Personally
I used to take relationships very personally. If my partner said something that pushed my buttons, initiating a cascade of righteous indignation, then I would engage with it: “How dare she say that!” The thought process carried on: “I can’t believe she said (or did) that! How can she have been so inconsiderate? Doesn’t she appreciate all I have done for her?” And so on, and so on.
Thoughts, when believed to be more than concepts, lead to feelings, which, when not seen for what they are, lead to more thoughts, which lead to even stronger feelings, which eventually lead to actions that will only confirm and reinforce the original beliefs.
When two people are playing this game, each making the relationship about themselves, then a dance begins, a dance of creating and reinforcing two illusory individuals who are “in relationship with each other.” In reality, there are not two individuals. In reality, there is only what seems to be happening, which is ultimately seen to be wholeness appearing as whatever is happening.
Relationships are the perfect environment to misunderstand what’s actually happening and to slip even more deeply into the story of the personal self. In reality, there is no personal self; it’s completely illusory. What’s happening in what we call a relationship is just what seems to be…
