…, and you get divorced because you were “finding yourself” and you think this was the right choice? Finding yourself should make you more understanding of others and compassionate, not more self centered and focused on your own desires.
I don’t know what integration should be. It can be messy, and painful, and confusing, and destructive, and ultimately liberating, and ultimately the best thing for everyone involved.
All homeostatic systems resist change. Dysfunctional homeostatic systems resist change in a dysfunctional way.