How to Stop Your Clothes From Smelling of Vaginas, Bum Cracks, and Testicles
You don’t think this applies to you, huh?
One morning, I had just sat down in my home office, after taking a thorough shower and donning clean clothes, when I smelled something odd. It smelled worse than someone who had not washed for a few days, or even a few weeks. Could it be me?
I went to Cindy, who was in the kitchen, and asked her to smell me. This is something I do from time to time. She’s exclaimed, “You smell like an old man’s bum crack!” Cindy couldn’t explain how she knew what an old man’s bum crack smells like. Nevertheless, I assumed that it was a bad thing.
I took all of my clothes off and smelled them carefully. I found that the groin area of my pants (we call them trousers where I come from) smelled like the unwashed testicles of a geriatric bullmastiff. “How could a clean pair of pants smell like this?” I wondered. Well, it turns out that there are many possible reasons, so let’s begin.
First of all, we recently moved into a brand-new apartment building, a building in which every apartment came equipped with an identical and new top-loading washing machine. Like everyone else living in these apartments, we soon discovered that these machines don’t actually work, if by “working” we mean washing…
