This is a rendition of one of my knots

How I Tie Myself in Knots

I’ve not been doing well recently. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed, depressed, and anxious. Yesterday, I posted the following on Facebook:

This generated an outpouring of love and support from my friends, with many offering to spend time with me, listening to me. Strangely though, these offers seem to add to my burden; I was not fully conscious of this additional loading, let alone of its source.

Today, I went back to my meditation practice and sat for half-an-hour, doing the body-scan of Vipassana, practicing being equanimous with the sensations. During that time, as usual, space seemed to be created and I could see things more clearly. I was able to clearly and calmly see and choose paths forward in the things I’m struggling with at work.

I also got clarity around the offers of help from my friends. I both understood more about what was happening and I was able to take adaptive action by expressing the following:

I’m noticing that I don’t have a solution for these internal problems. I don’t yet have release from these knots that bind me. But what I do have is increased awareness of what seems to be happening, increased equanimity with it, and I have practiced communicating clearly with those with whom I am in relationship.

I have committed to returning to meditating twice per day.

An engineer-psychologist focused on machine intelligence. I write from my own experience to support others in living more fulfilling lives |

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