I heard a story recently about a woman who claimed online somewhere that “all men are trash.” Shocking, huh? On the internet of all places. Who would have thought? What happened next is that some people responded with “not all men.” That apparently led to a cascade of arguments about how dominant oppressors don’t get to complain about judgements from the oppressed. And then there was a long discussion about how non-adaptive it is to call “all men trash” in the first place. Etc, etc, etc. I read through this long thread on Facebook, and I found it fascinating. It amazes me how much complexity we can manufacture out of what is essentially nothing.
It reminded me of a conversation I once had with one of my therapy clients. He told me that “I hate all white people.” I remember a chuckle forming inside me, and then asking, with a straight face, “What about me?” He looked me straight in the eyes, and calmly and confidently stated, “You’re not white!” I was absolutely shocked by this statement. That interaction broke my belief that I could ever truly know what anyone else was talking about.
I have white skin, I’m tall, I speak with a British accent, I’m reasonably well-off, and I’m reasonably well educated. I assumed that to anyone I would be the epitome of a white male but to this person I was absolutely not “white.” When someone says “all men are trash,” we have no way of knowing what they…
