About seventeen years ago, I had a series of experiences that I called spiritual. These experiences went on for years, at least six years. Some of them seemed to involve the revelation of what I called the fundamental nature of reality, a revelation for nobody; there was no self in those revelations.
Soon I found myself back in this “normal,” dead reality, with memories of that much more real, true, and alive reality. Though I felt calm, part of me also longed to return to the all-encompassing unconditional love. I spent years searching for a way back, but I came to realize that trying to get back to that was the surest way to prevent myself from getting there, but I didn’t really understand why. I didn’t give up the search, I just meditated less: two hours per day instead of four.
What I called the fundamental nature of reality is sometimes also called non-duality, the Tao, the void, or perhaps “the peace of God that surpasses all understanding”. A glimpse of it is sometimes called Satori. Many people have had glimpses of this; it’s very normal; it’s natural. This non-duality is not special and neither are glimpses of it.
After those glimpses, I knew that this wholeness, this unconditional love, was all that was, but I could not perceive it. Somehow it was hidden from me, and I embarked on various endeavors to try to change myself so that I…
